Let me just say that I’m very sad I missed the campfire last night. With all the status updates and pictures, I’m not going to forget easily what I gave up in order not to miss my interview today morning( which is too early if you ask me) .
I get it- your career and future is important. But I hate how it diminishes my current ability to enjoy the present significantly. I miss my friends, the ones that I can laugh with, scream with. You know me, I’m eclectic – I have a lot of different groups I like to hang out with, but my SJI bros have always been a core group. I tried to convince myself that I was making the right decision not going – but I can’t shake off the feeling I missed something magical yesterday.
I’m postponing the “Save our Singaporeans” article for my next post – I’m still editing it to make it more sensitive to readers. God only knows I’m not trying to attract flame but rather a sincere discussion. Look out for that .
I’m also having more vivid dreams. Just the day before I had a dream the world was ending- the signs in the bible were replaying and I was in the middle of them. I remember being so afraid, because I realised I hadn’t studied enough on what to do, how to be. I hadn’t paid heed to my calling.
Tonight I had a dream I went for a party, and all my teachers and friends were there. It was those kind of snazzy , “marijuana in the air” , “psychedelic rock” music parties. I remember being so enthralled by the numbing of it all that I woke up late for my Penn interview today. I rushed out of my room blaming everyone. My grandparents were here too 
(I still can’t figure this part out) but essentially I got so angry and frustrated in my dream I woke myself up… At 0430.
After faceboooking and tweeting for abit, I came here to empty my mind. These dreams are really realistic, way more than my previous dreams this year. And I can actually remember them.
It may be a reaction to my psyche – knowing that there’s still so much at stake. I wish I was blessed sometimes with wealth to spend on education, or super sporty abilities to at least tap into some endowment. But that wishful self has honestly died. I’m much more certain in my faith because of these difficulties. I know that God will provide, and though I may not be the best, I will be of value. Sometimes even the best are not valuable if they’re not in the right place at the right time. Or it may be the prophecies coming to fruition. Although that’s a lot more mystic and potentially life changing.
Whole. nother. Level.
The final topic I wanted to quickly blog about was that of reciprocation and emotions. We’re still emotional people – still saddened by death, toiled with hurt and frustration, and joyous when with friends or good times . As we grow older, we tend to loose our foothold in those emotions – they became irrelevant to objectives and processes. And when they’re lost control of, they tend to blow up at inopportune moments.
One thing I’ve been learning is to read emotions. Micro-expressions, soft signals etc. whenever I talk to someone – if he says something is great, but his face sends of a sudden sign of anguish, i try to pressure point it. I ask him why he seems to be saying something different with his body – and I’ve been right most of the time. Sometimes wrong, or maybe the other party just refuses to admit his sincere emotions. I’ve realised that people’s emotions vary throughout the day. You can never expect anyone to be consistent. You’re more probably grouchy in the morning, reflective by evening, and joyous at night. There’s a certain element of randomness in it – and it takes a concerted effort to try to be consistent in your emotions and hence your approach to people on a regular basis.
Which brings me to reciprocity. I don’t get how some people can be so oblivious. I seriously don’t. Now I’m very open to new ideas. Open to different kinds of people. Read my blog- you’ll know. But this level of not reading signals, of not being able to reciprocate to the simplest degree. Gah.
Go figure.
Living with emotions and emotive people will be things people need to take into consideration in school,work and beyond. It’s that skill of feeding off and bouncing back that will really help you connect with people and make you more sensitive to their needs and aspirations.
It’s a skill that you can use in The Game – the one that everyone plays.
It’s a skill that is difficult to master,
But I’d take up that challenge.
Till then,
Brotherbear
